3/31/12

Kung Fu

Today's story revolved around a child. An adorable little 4 year old that only wanted to impress the superior beings that are called adults. Let's call him David Force. Yeah, that works. Little David Force.

He woke up early this morning. Stretching in bed, opening his eyes and letting ideas roam through his mind. Improvisation isn't even necessary when you're 4 years old and have an imagination as active as a prostitute's sex life. He knew what he wanted to do, and he was happy with this idea.

This is what a happy young David Force looks like.

The poor little thing picked up his magic marker and paint set and headed straight for his mother's mirror, which was inconveniently placed in her room. This was fine, he managed to wake up without her noticing and so he got into her room without her noticing either.

Finally at his destination, he was only about 15 minutes away from success. He looked straight ahead at the mirror, picked up a yellow magic marker, and got straight to work.

15 minutes later he was done. He slid out of his parents' room and headed straight through the hall in the hopes of finding someone to appreciate his masterpiece. And then his mommy walked her way up to the hall and saw his face.


And mommy was not pleased. Quite the opposite, her eyes lit up for half a second before blinking a few times and calming down.

The shock left her with no words for a little while. Stutters, many blinks and a few deep breaths later, she managed to cross her arms and form a coherent sentence.


And little David knew exactly why he did it. It all made perfect sense in his mind, so he didn't even hesitate to answer.

"Because Kung Fu"

She just stared at him blankly, probably already contemplating how she could go so wrong so fast. He was only 4. And kung fu? Really? All this and much more could be seen in her eyes.

"What do you mean, kung fu?!" slipped out of her mouth. Poor little David, with much less confidence than before started to whisper.

"BecauseofthekungfumoviemommyI'msorry"


But he wasn't sorry yet. This was something she couldn't handle on her own, she didn't know what to do. She tried to get him to explain, but he was obviously in the mood for jokes. So she took him outside to explain himself to his father.

His dad wasn't alone, he was taking a break from adult-man-work outside with his creepy cock-eyed cousin. They both just stared at the poor little thing, and there to break silence was the poor kid's mom.

"Tell them what you just did"

"....kungfu...."

My inner 12 year old drew this.

The roaring laughter that came from these two adults would be enough for poor little David Force to reject anything kung fu related for years to come.

But the story doesn't end here! It's important to know the roots of little David's thoughts.

See, a week before this whole thing David saw a movie. Or rather, he saw the first 5 minutes of a movie, followed by bits and pieces whenever he woke up. This movie was something about To Wong Foo, which was easily switched in his mind with kung fu. He would later find out what men in drag were.

Kung fu was something David's dad was into. Anything about the martial arts, it was part of the rainbow of subjects that this guy couldn't stop talking about, so naturally, little David wanted something to do with this amazing kung fu stuff.

It all makes sense in the end, doesn't it?

Also, this totally wasn't based on true events or anything. Come on and stuff. Geeze.

17 comments:

  1. Oh come on, this has to be real. It will do so much more for me if it's real. To Wong Foo is a favorite of mine. It was my dream to have friends like them, or to be them. David just has to exist.

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  2. Last picture made my day. Thanks!

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  3. Hoho you child.

    Damn, Wesley Snipes and Patrick Swayze?

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    1. You know, I only remember about 10 seconds of that movie.. but I remember those two clearly.

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  4. Lol your inner 12 year old, eh?

    You know watching this movie for the first time as a child, I didn't know the women in this movie were actually men. o_o

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    1. I wouldn't get you drunk in public. I'd definitely watch if you got drunk on your own, though.

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  5. My inner 12 year old has drawn so many things, but never a dick for an eye. You've just put mine to shame.

    Also, Tifa, you were truly the only one. I saw that movie when I was 12, and while I remember none of the story, I do remember that Wesley Snipes in a dress looks like, well, Wesley Snipes in a dress. Let's just say no unlucky straight guys are going to take him home by accident.

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    Replies
    1. It's like, I can't stop laughing for some reason.

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  6. Replies
    1. How does it feel to whore yourself out on things you don't care about?

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  7. Haha, the cock-eyed cousin made me spew liquid from my nose. Good work!

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  8. You know what movie I saw as a kid that traumatized me for life? Tootsie. Dustin Hoffman in drag is scarier than Patrick Swayze.

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    1. I was lucky enough to miss out on that one until my mid-teens.. when I could appreciate it.

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  9. The Cock-eyed cousin picture was very disturbing, funny but disturbing! Thats one eye I'd not wanna stare into!

    Not only did I know something like that was gonna happen in the end, but as soon as the mom got mad at what the kid did, I (through knowing a bit about psychology) knew that the kid, hearing his mom get mad, would shut down mentally so that he'd never explain the missunderstanding. Its a shame really! It could just as well have been a real story!

    David Force is a good name too! (but if its a reference to anything I don't know)

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    1. Oh yeah, it could definitely have been a real story. Wink.

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    2. I take it the stories about you and your name is David Force?

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    3. Well my name definitely isn't David Force

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but if you so much as dare say "Nice post!" or leave a senseless comment without really having read, I will tie you down and saw off your genitalia.

Have a nice day!