The Beyonce Infatuation

When I was little, watching TV and such, it was inevitable to stare at the mainstream right in the eye and take things in. I learned of Destiny's Child at an early enough age where I could be pulled into the music, terrible I know. But if anything stuck with me, it was the girls.

Now Beyonce may be on today's title, and she's gorgeous and all, but my preference was Kelly Rowland. I mean, just look at her. What is there not to like? Flawless copper skin tone, beautiful smile (when it's genuine) and that misty look. I could just bask in it as she sings herself a soothing jazz standard. I'll make a cup'a and light the candles. Her and me were meant to be. Kelly, if you read this, I won't deny your affections.

She's also got a solid nose.

That's a D4 analysis right there. The elf nose bulb is usually more common for fairer skinned beings. It's usually a wonderful addition to a woman, but she's got it on a fairly wide nostril base. The result is a nose that looks different depending on the angle. I mean come on, was I not supposed to feast my eyes when she came up? Solid 8/10 nose right there.

Beyonce has a real pretty nose too. It's just more common. Maybe a 7/10, but the rest of her face really has a lot to do with it. Beyonce was second place for me, but a clear first for many. A few days ago, a friend made it clear that he was one of those many. While overall I used to find her attractive, I don't anymore. It's not the age or the music. She'll age gracefully, she's a very talented human being, and I would very much enjoy a lover with her vocal possibilities. No, the reason she's not that attractive to me anymore is because of Jay-Z.

As I told my friend, I saw his face. Bewilderment. He just stared and turned his face into a big old wrinkly mess— think Mother Theresa's ass. I knew what he was thinking. "Bro, come on. He's an ugly mofo, if she'll get with him she'll get with anybody. We're clear winners, all we have to do is show some charisma.." so before he even opened his mouth I went on with my reasons. I didn't need to mention the fact that he's a lyrical genius and that hence, his wow factor is significantly increased. I didn't have to mention the fact that he's got more money than I even want to make. I didn't even mention the fact that he's probably a socially friendly, all-around cool guy when he steps away from the mic.

Here's my problem. Imagine the guy. Imagine those thick lips, the bulging fish eyes, the relatively smaller-than-average scalp. Now try and forget the fact that he's a highly respected world famous rapper. Now place him in a room with a blonde bimbo and a shaky cameraman who's way too fucking obnoxious to have a job other than right there at that moment. He's probably gonna say something like "Oh honey, you're not ready for this" followed by some stupid chuckle. It's during that chuckle that he realizes he's not even funny; his world shattering. This is besides the point.

Jay-Z is that one awkward black guy in the porno with the giant horse cock. He fits the criteria. It's between the look, the slur, and the seemingly slow attitude. Jay's that one stud us males think we want to be until we can't fit into any cavity. You can disagree if you like. You also know that by doing so you'll only be lying to yourself.

You're not seeing this picture of Jay Z's monster cock because you're not reading this on ilikenoses.blogspot.com
But why does it matter? Because I can't compete. To be with someone as long as Beyonce's been with Jay here? I'm not worried about the gaping open black hole between her legs, I'm worried about my performance. I wouldn't want to have to picture that fuckin' boa while I'm doing the deed. Not that I should be, but the gaping black hole wouldn't give me another option. It will create the thought.

Is Beyonce beautiful? Absolutely. But to be married to this guy for as long as she has been means that even if they did become unhappy at some point, and even if I did get the chance, there'd be no way for me to feel comfortable. That's assuming I'd get the chance to compete after being sucked into another universe.

As for my friend, I think he'll keep his infatuations with Mila Kunis. Sorry bro.


How to make your Blogger/GoDaddy link work without "www."

To better understand the emotion behind this post, I recommend hearing Chariots of Fire by Vangelis in the background.

I've spent over a year trying to study and understand how to properly edit zone files on GoDaddy. Mainly because you couldn't reach my site (www.d4am.net) by typing in "d4am.net", but also because I like learning. At least I thought I did for 3 months, until I realized nothing worked. The months that followed showed nothing but the pain and agony of basic code ripping my insides apart as I gave up, tried over, and repeated everything all over again. Always hopeful that one day, maybe, Google would answer my question.

I've found the answer.

All this time I thought, gee, if other people can get it to work, I can too. I can just, make a switch here (and ruin my site for a few precious hours) or make an adjustment there (and clench onto my heart as I try to put everything back exactly how it was.) The trick seemed to be not to use GoDaddy at all.

If you could feel my eye twitching, the sigh of relief, and the release of what seems to be soothing endorphins, you might just understand what finding insomnia over a web address might be. You might decide that yes, some geniuses with the time and the patience really did study all this A Host and CNAME donkey-dung, but me, I prefer the easy way.

This is how you do it.

Go to your blog's settings. You should land directly on your basic settings, and from there you should see your modified blog address. Click edit. Toggle the redirect button.

Here's a visual representation.


Well, I feel stupid. At least I did it. I pulled through, I dedicated, and I probably didn't even have to go through all those sacrifices all these months just to do it.