8/12/13

Give Me a Disease

I don't support heart attacks. Or diabetes. And only on an occasional basis, cancer, and only because it's pretty fucking unavoidable. We get cancer on our ice, booty munch, if you wanna avoid cancer live the vegan life up in the Himalayas and—

I'm getting carried away.

I would never buy diabetes, but I'd let you give me some. And maybe, as you give me some, we can help someone else. Someone with needs. And no, fuck feeding the poor. This is way more important than that. Fuck cancer patients, AIDS epidemics, or just people who don't have clean water either. We're talking about real needs here, we're talking about problems we can solve, problems like Mel's about 50,000 views shy of 200,000, and some 18 followers shy of 400 followers, and this shit is about as serious as the lube for your first anal experience. Try not to shit your pants over how fucking terrifyingly serious that is. Try not to shit your pants because you have a gaping wide asshole now, either.

If you go to Mel's blog here and leave a comment stating that I, D4 have sent you, she might send me a Twinkie. She obviously wants my death, I tell you. But that's nothing, because I'll make that sugary slut suck me off. Where's your cream filling now, you Twinkie bitch?

http://ilikenoses.blogspot.com/2013/08/give-me-disease.html
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That's when all hell breaks loose and I deep fry that shit. You syphils swallowing ass-cunts don't know? Apparently deep fried Twinkies is the only sure fire way of kick starting your inevitable string of physical diseases. We all know the mental ones have already gone too far for me anyway; it's time.

So if you have any heart at all, you'll finish the job on me. Earn me another chance at winning a Twinkie. Go to this particular page on her blog, and just.. you know. Say I sent you.

You might end up getting the Twinkie for all I know.

Who am I even writing to?

Go to bed, kid.

Why don't you go to ilikenoses.blogspot.com and read the rest of my shit? Are you stupid?
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13 comments:

  1. OMG. You're the best. I am fucking rolling right now, otherwise I might actually leave a longer comment.

    ReplyDelete
  2. And I see you tags and just want you to know I read this at work.

    So why the fuck can I read this, but I can't listen to any of you non-offensive music?

    I mean, what the fuck????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't have the adult content switch turned on because I'm not a responsible adult and I want children to read this at night.

      If children can access it, surely you can too!

      Delete
    2. I like the way you think.

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. Oh, you.

      ..
      but if you so much as dare say "Nice post!" or leave a senseless comment without really having read, I will tie you down and saw off your genitalia.


      Your genitals are safe.

      Delete
    2. Oh thank you. But hey...if you want to hack up some genitalia, I heard some guy make Jello dicks, so....

      Delete
    3. And I'd eat it from the inside out!

      Delete
  4. I expect the deep fried Twinkie delivered overnight, D4...

    ReplyDelete
  5. what the fuck.... I steer off my usual blog roll path and the first two blogs I find both make fun of cancer - or call it what you will. Lucky MonkeyME is not beaten down by it. You'll grow someday. you'll figure it out. not my job to teach you. it smells rotten over here....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Green Monkey.

      Yes, I mention cancer a lot at the beginning of this post. At first I mention it because it's so easy to come across, I'm not yet making fun of it there. Afterwards I mention it as something less important than allowing someone to win blog views. I also disrespect the hungry poor, and AIDS epidemics. I'm sorry you're not hungry and HIV positive so I could poke you a little more there, either.

      If you'd really like to get your panties up in a bunch over this, I won't stop you. I'm sorry it affects you, but it's humor. I'm gonna make fun out of bad situations. Had I not learned to laugh, I would never have coped with my grandfather dying of cancer shortly after my father died of hepatitis C. My life's no easier than anyone else's. I've seen disease. Go fuck yourself if you think you're better than me for not laughing at it.

      It's hard to take you, a blogger, serious with the grammar issues in your comment. I'll let it slide since you were obviously distressed at the point of writing it.

      Good luck with your battle.

      Delete
  6. I won't do charity walks, or donate money, or any of that shit for other people. It's just not my thing. But I will donate my time for a good cause. In this case, I followed Mel and dropped a comment on that post. Viva la Twinkie, bitches.

    Also, it's ironic, because I think Green Monkey's comment was so stupid it actually gave me cancer. She can expect to receive my medical bills in the mail.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would've been worse to her had I not had a bit of empathy run through my conscience.

      Delete

All comments welcome, positive, negative, short or long..
but if you so much as dare say "Nice post!" or leave a senseless comment without really having read, I will tie you down and saw off your genitalia.

Have a nice day!