7/21/12

Paul's Cereal

I don't like people. Okay, it's not that bad. I don't like people when I'm not around. I can't see what they're doing, I don't know what their actions are. I can't monitor. I lose control.

It's not that I care what they do. Usually it doesn't even involve me, but on those occasions where someone wants to be at my home while I'm not there, or when I'm showering, or before I wake up (never giving anyone keys to my house again).. there's just reason for me to worry.

It might seem paranoid, but it's justified.

Like the other day, I was gonna go out clubbing with my friends. I specifically said I'd be ready at 9:30, but this one imbecile came for me at 8:20.

"I have to shower.." I whispered.

"It's okay, I'll just wait and watch TV or something" was his response. The sly dog.


I was hesitant, I didn't like the situation but what was I supposed to do? Shoo him away? I just nodded my head and went in for my shower.

But what was he doing while I showered? Was he really watching the crap on my basic cable, or was he doing something worse? Something I wouldn't like. Something he wouldn't be able to tell me, so at the same time something I would never know about.

I'd rub shampoo on my hair and think. Maybe he's spitting on my socks. Maybe scratching my DVD's with his keys. Or mayb-

Maybe he's fucking my cereal.

I drew my friend fucking some cereal
Before getting out of my room I took the time to draw a few illustrations of what my friend was probably doing. That way I'd get to show him that I knew, and when his eyes open in fear he can know that I know he betrayed me.

But you've also gotta give it to him, it's a genius idea. I'll be out for at least a couple of hours with him, when I come back the semen will have dried out and when I add milk to the cereal I'll never notice any of the crust. It'll all mush down.

I paid $7 for that cereal too. Terrible.

He just laughed at me. It's confusing, because at this point he should be surprised I caught on. It's not even nervous laughter, it's roaring. Who does this cereal fetishist think he is? He ruined my cereal, it was expensive. I wasn't even halfway done with it.

There he is, fucking my cereal
As D4, I'm actually quite proud of the box of cereal I drew
And what's worse, she probably liked it too. Oh I know her well, with her arrogant gluten free rings and her delicious cinnamon spices. She was probably all over him before I even stepped foot into the shower, and yet he denies me of his truth. Almost as if I didn't have all the evidence I needed right there on my hand! I drew it a mere 4 minutes ago, the blood is still wet on his hands. I can smell it.

He finally started realizing that I knew when I started shouting and went to look for the cereal box myself. I saw his eyes widen as I opened the cabinet and saw that he placed her exactly the same way I did. Sneaky.

"Paul, stop being so paranoid!" He yelled at me. In my own house, after sleeping with my cereal.

I took the box and tossed it into the garbage, ordered him to either fess up or leave right this instant, and the coward left. I'll never trust him in my house again, and for good reason too. Forget about the taste and consistency, think about the germs! Some nerve.

I didn't go out clubbing that night. I did however run out to the supermarket and get me some cereal. It was cheaper this time. She looks faithful.

20 comments:

  1. I believe that's exactly what he did. When friends leave me alone in their home, you should see the stuff I do. Just save the cereal, grind it up to a fine powder, add some honey, and use it as a facial mask. The protein is great for your skin.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That slut! I can't believe she betrayed you so easily...maybe cheaper is better?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hate when my cereal is such a whore. And when my "friends" take advantage.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That's why I have a lock on my cereal cabinet, so no one can get in, and that cheating hoor can't get out.

    ReplyDelete
  5. nice read
    like the pic

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. stupid comment
      like its poster

      I'd do something more elaborate but honestly? I don't have the time for you. Fuck off.

      Delete
  6. Cheers, we all hate sneaky people.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And silly comments. Don't forget the silly worthless comments.

      Delete
  7. Does that make him a cereal rapist? Zing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it was willing.. But hey, Paul might just not have understood cereal.

      Delete
  8. Hahaha. This is actually something that i can relate to. Well, I dont get paranoid about stuff like someone fucking my cereal. I get paranoid about people sitting on my bed or keeping their dirty legs on it . I hate it when people sit on my bed cos I imagine all kinds of things like the kind of germs and dirt that must have gotten stuck on their bum. Like what if they had decided to rest their behinds somewhere on the footpath earlier that day? and footpaths in India are dirty as hell or on the restaurant chairs which are equally bad. I mean its really creepy. People laugh at me when I tell them this! :/

    But honestly, when I was reading your post I was laughing the whole time. So now I understand why people laugh at me. :/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know, I think your reasoning is pretty legit myself.

      Delete
  9. Text in your blog is very interesting, as well as drawing. we really like to linger on your blog. if you have time please visit our blog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Try advertising yourself on Indonesian blogs so that people can actually read it.

      Delete
  10. I will never sniff my cornflakes with a fervor again. I blame you, D4!

    ReplyDelete
  11. First time I read something like this xD
    " "Paul, stop being so paranoid!" He yelled at me. In my own house,
    .
    .
    .
    after sleeping with my cereal."

    ReplyDelete

All comments welcome, positive, negative, short or long..
but if you so much as dare say "Nice post!" or leave a senseless comment without really having read, I will tie you down and saw off your genitalia.

Have a nice day!